meri iccha

किसी ने  मुझ से पूछा
माँगना हो अगर
जीनी   से तो क्या मांगोगी?
मैंने सोचा बहुत सोचा.

धन, वैभव मांग क्या करुँगी,
पल  भर की ज़िन्दगी कल को गर
टिकेट कट गया तो
धन वैभव लाद  कहाँ जाउंगी

ऐशोरम की ज़िन्दगी
का भी फायदा नहीं
अगर दिनभर मेहनत न करू
तो रात को नींद आती नहीं.

नाम ज़रूर चाहूंगी
पर आजकल तो नामवाले
भी पलभर मैं
बदनाम होते हैं.

चाहूंगी अगर तो बस
अपनों का साथ
ज़र्रुरी  नहीं की हरदम हो प्यार मोहब्बत,
लड़ाई झगड़ो का भी तड़का हो साथ साथ

चाहती हूँ तो बस आरोग्य
कभी कभी थोडा पेट दर्द
थोडा सर दर्द
और अधिक न हो नासाज़.

क्या पूरी होगी मेरी यह अभिलाषा?

Of Ubbattis and ma-in-laws

Savitri was cooking up a storm…………., literally. Her ma-in law was arriving by the night train and so the frenzied activity.

From the time she had become a widow, mayi (ma-in-law in Konkani) used to alternate between the homes of her two sons. Three months at each place. And her arrival was preceded by cleaning, clearing and cooking. She was very finicky about neatness-each item at its proper place types and cleanliness. Being a good cook, no one absolutely no one could satisfy her taste buds, she could find fault with the best of cooks.

And then there was Saani ( Saani means young in Konkani). Saani was the other daughter in law, her pet. Saani could never do anything wrong. Saani was chic, Saani could cook Continental, Saani had a lovely accent etc.

Of course she had a lovely accent. She was heading HR in an IT company not like her –cashier in Canara Bank thought Savi. Whole day dole out cash, check and cross check and then rush home to cook and satisfy mayi. She would sit whole day chanting her Ram naams but would she help her, no. And would she eat the leftovers of the morning meal or the previous days, no. And so when Mayi was with them she would have to cook four times a day. Yes four times, how can one have just tea in the evening? What- biscuits with tea? No. Biscuits were still an alien word in Mayis dictionary.

‘Amma what are you making’, asked her six year old daughter Aadya. ‘Ubbatis dear’, she replied. ‘What amma I wanted Crème caramel’, wailed Aadya. ‘Yes yes why not, as if your Bappamma (paternal Grandmother) was not enough, you also make demands. I will resign and sit at home catering to all of your needs’, screamed Savi. ‘Come here Aadya’, her eldest Aruna said, 'bappammas coming today and amma’s BP is high’, she giggled. Rajeev chuckled but then kept a straight face, he knew it was better to be quiet, else swords could be raised.

Now mayi loved Ubbatis. Ubbati is a sweet made of all purpose flour rolled like chappatis and stuffed with sweetened chana dal.(Also known as holige in kannada and puranpolis in Marathi). But it had to be perfectly round, shallow fried to a golden color and adequately sweet). In all her 15 years of married life, Savi had not been able to evoke a good response from her ma in law on her cooking. But this time she hoped to break the jinx. And so the ubbatis.

‘Aaykale(listen-in konkani), taste this and tell me how it is,’ said Savi to her husband. In the early days of her marriage Savi had once called him by his name, but one look at her mayis knitted eyebrows and she had resorted to Aaykale. Her husband as usual was unresponsive, but so many years of marriage she could read his mind. Yes, it had turned out well.

Mayi came feasted on the spread and then Savi laid out her trump card-ubbati. But no- no response. Like mother-like son thought Savi grudgingly.

Next day lunch time she got a call from Saani

She was astonished. Saani and call her?

Savi-Hello

Saani-Hello akka and thus they exchanged pleasantries and then Saani asked, Akka can you tell me the proportion of ubbati. Mayi never seems to be happy with what I make but she always praises you and your cooking. So I thought in these three months I will practice making ubbatis and then try to please her.

A bulb flashed in Savis mind and she asked-What else does she say about me/

Saani- that you are an exceptional cook, you have kept the traditions alive, your home is like a true Konkani home etc.

Savi-And do you know what she says about you? And then she told her. ‘Do you know what this means?’

Saani-Yes divide and rule policy. Mayi praises you in front of me and me in front of you and thus has enjoyed the best of both worlds And both of them giggled.

And that night peace reigned in both the homes; the food was lip-smacking, while the families wondered the reason for the smirk in the Home Ministers face.

Memories

Mr. Sinha came out of Food Bazaar pretty pleased with his purchases. His daughter was coming on vacation after 4 years with her daughter who was 2 yrs old ( and whom he had not seen at all except her pictures) and her husband Rajeev.

On reaching home he put away all the purchases in their proper places. His wife had died of bone cancer 4 yrs back and he was all alone. Both his son and daughter were settled in USA. He had kept a cook but for his daughter; he wanted to cook himself. He was thinking about what all he wanted to make when his eyes fell on the Knorr soup pack. He picked it up with a satisfied grin. He had got a soup bowl with 5 packs of soup mix. Not bad at all. And he stored it with all the other items he had got for free.

Neha came running inside the house as soon as the taxi stopped. It felt nice to be back home, to relive your childhood. She ran from one room to another, but what’s this, she thought, mammas things are still kept ?

The initial days were spent catching up with the news, while Suni got acquainted with her grandfather and Rajeev relaxed. And then Neha asked, ‘ Papa last time when I was in India that is after mammas funeral, I had packed all her things and labeled them. So that you could give it to charity or to old age home etc. why haven’t you done that. ‘Mr. Sinha fidgeted nervously. ‘And why do you get all these free things-the soup bowls, the plates, you don’t need them, you have enough for your needs. A single person doesn’t need much.’ She was becoming aggressive in her tone when Rajeev interrupted, ‘Neha I want a cup of tea, please’.

Later in their room he told her, ‘why were you so harsh on him’. ‘Harsh Rajeev, look at the pile of junk. Why does he need all this. And he hasn’t disposed off mammas things.’

‘Try to understand his psychology Neha, he has still not accepted that you mother is not going to come back. So he is holding on to her things. With both you and Nishant not around, he is holding on to things as his family. Don’t be explicit somehow we will make him understand the reality.’

The next Sunday they kept a puja at home, a sort of memorial service in which they kept a photo of Mrs Sinha, sang her favorite bhajans, made her favorite food. The invitees were asked to narrate how they had met Mrs. Sinha and how she had touched their lives. And Mr. Sinha found tears flowing out of his eyes.

Suni had put on a new outfit and Neha remarked, ‘isn’t she looking just like mamma. I feel sometimes mamma has taken birth again’ and Mr. Sinha was thoughtful.

And so it went. Rajeev and Neha would drop hints at every opportunity.

Rajeev was going out for his morning walk when he noticed Mr. Sinha sitting in the garden lost in his thoughts. ‘Papa ‘, he urged. ‘Come sit here Rajeev, tell me, all these round about talks are to make me understand isn’t it?’

‘Yes papa. Mamma is not going to come back. She had suffered a lot and it was good that she went. At least that was the end of her suffering. Papa a suggestion, sell of this house, there are too many memories here and its too big for you anyways. As such you have 10 years US visit visa, come and stay with us and Nishant. I propose to return to India within 2 years and settle in Delhi to be near my parents; they too are getting old. You can stay with us or near us’

‘Sell this house? No, no. We had built this house with so much of love and dreams, can’t sell it’, and he got up abruptly and walked off.

Neha was busy gathering her things. In couple of days they were supposed to go to be with Rajeev’s parents when Mr. Sinha called her, ‘Neha these are your mother’s things. If you want something keep, rest I want to be donated to old age homes, slums etc. And I want Suni to do the donations. And all this utensils and crockery are to be given to Ajay. You remember Ajay, our maid Sumatibai's son. He got married recently, he will need these.'

Neha was relieved that finally her father was coming around.

Couple of months later Rajeev got an email; it went,

Dear Rajeev,

I thought a lot over what you had said. But I just can’t bring myself to sell this house. Nor do I want to come down to US. US for me is good for travels, not to live. For me my motherland is the best.

I plan to make this house into a home for lonely people like me, My architect friend is making a plan to renovate this house so that it could accommodate more people. We will have a prayer house, an exercise room and numerous other things. I will send you the plans. But before I do any alterations, I want to have Neha’s and Nishant’s approval. It is their home too and I need their permission. Can you put it across to her? You know she is a bit impulsive and I am afraid to talk to her.

With love

Your Papa

And Rajeev’s day was made.

Just like that-5

Unfriend

Recently learnt that unfriend is a word which has been included in the dictionary now. Life I feel has become too mechanical. You delete contacts, you unfriend friends. What next? Maybe the life shown in Star Wars or futuristic movies is a reality now. By the way people with blue tooth do remind me of robots :-)

Expectations

Why do husbands advise their wives not to have expectations from them ( read helping around the house, teaching kids, shopping) while they themselves expect that their wife will be at their beck and call; never be idle. cook exotic food etceteras.

Moms

Moms wait for their kids to start school so that finally they will have some time to be just idle. But when the actual time comes; don't know how to be idle.

Housewife

It used to amaze me when mothers/wifes used to make different dishes and watch with pride as their family ate. I used to think whats great about that. NOW...... I do the same. It satisfies me that if I can't do anything else at least I can satisfy their taste buds.

Social networks.

There is a perpetual debate on the pros and cons of social networks. Why bother as long as we are not addicted to anything. For people wihout a social life, these networks are a savior. Of course the warmth of a personal face to face meet is missing.

Neethi is tired

Neethi was tired; she had got up from bed with a superhuman effort. From a couple of days she was having bouts of dizziness. Which made her wonder if she was having brain tumor or was it just eye strain.

Neethi and her string of imaginary illness were a legend of the family. If it was pain in the abdomen it was appendicitis, if a slight pain in the left hand, was it heart attack and so on. She could equate any pain to some major illness.

So, she was making curry for the evening, Nimit was freshnening up after returning from work when the salt jar fell from her hand and scattered on the floor. Nimit came running from the bathroom thinking that she had fallen down to see the clay pot in pieces and that was it, he screamed; break everything breakable and we will live on the debris. The expired clay salt pot had been given by his mother, who had said that salt never gathers moisture in a clay pot and remains free flow. So understandably he was volatile.

Later while having dinner he looked at Neethis ashen face and felt guilty. ‘Neethi do you think we should meet Akkaya or maybe an ophthalmologist and have your eyes checked.’ Now Akkaya was Dr. Savitri, Nimits cousin sister, a gynecologist. Something clicked in Neethis mind but she kept mum.

Next day Nimit returned from work to see Neethi quietly sitting in a corner. That scared him, normally she would be bubbling to give him the day’s news. ‘Why what happened’, he asked.

‘ When you mentioned akkaya yesterday, something clicked in me and I went to the pharmacy and got a pregnancy kit’, she said

‘Huh and?’, he was shocked

‘And it came out positive. Must be all the efforts on your birthday’, she giggled and then looking at his expression; got scared and added,’ see I know you didn’t want a baby now but now that its happened, lets go ahead.’

But Nimit was silent

‘Please say something I am scared’, she said

‘I am flabbergasted, ecstatic, don’t know what to say’, he said, which relieved her.

Dr. Savitri acted as their local guardian and whenever she was free used to invite them over to her place. That Saturday was one of those days. Neethi murmured her discovery and Dr. Savitri hugged her in joy.

‘See Neethi I know your propensity to break things and getting hurt, but you have to take care of yourself and the baby now,’ she advised. And Neethi blushed, ‘But Akkaya I don’t understand, I don’t have morning sickness like other women.’

‘Well everyone does not have morning sickness, some have evening sickness, some are always tired like in your case, each one is different dear’, she explained, ‘But presently you should take lots of rest, don’t over exert yourself. Eat well. Eating well does not mean eating for two as it is generally said. But eating healthy food, lots of greens and fruits. You may want to eat spicy food but try to limit it as the body tends to retain fluids if you eat spicy food. And some even have a tendency for high blood pressure. Same goes for sweets too, some have a tendency for Diabetes during pregnancy. Try to eat sweets which are made with jaggery, as it contains iron. And yes you have to start on folic acid. It helps in reducing birth defects. And after a couple of months we will start you on iron supplements. But before that you have to get your blood test done to check that you are not anemic. I will check my schedule and fix an appointment for you.’

Both of them listened attentively. While She went on.’ And yes I am repeating myself please do be careful about yourself, dear, walk slowly, watch where you are heading, pay attention to what you are doing in order that you don’t hurt yourself. Also if you are feeling tired don’t exert yourself, take it easy. This husband of yours can manage beautifully, just see.’

And so they returned home, each wrapped up in his own thoughts, each weaving the future with the coming joy.

The match

Aalekha sat staring at her computer screen. She was working on her project and enjoying it thoroughly when a call from her mother had broken her focus.

They had found some match for her. Match meaning guy-marriage material. Five years back her elder sister Ashwini had married a Bihari guy and trouble had started from then. She had been in her final year engineering then. Though her parents had accepted her sister’s decision, but in the community they were now on a different pedestal. The traditional conformists had shunned them and the modern thinkers shunned them too for her family was a very traditional-old values type. So here she was –Aalekha, an independent working lady, who earned her living yet had some old values(yes she went to temple every Monday and Friday, yes she touched her parents feet every morning). And although she loved to be independent; increasingly day by day she felt the need for a companion, someone to share with, laugh with, have kids with. But the problem was although she met quite a few men on her job, she didn’t like any. It would have been very good if she had liked someone, then the whole problem would have been sorted out but no. Now her parents were trying hard to find someone for her but ….

Some guys wanted her to quit her job (those were the old thought ones) and devote all her time to family. Then there were the modernists who didn’t understand her ‘godliness’. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t be a modern woman yet a devout one. Then there were the ones who rejected her because her sister had married a Bihari. Gosh in this day and age; did it matter. And then there was her sister who said love and living a life together were two different things. My god all this was so confusing.

Her mother had called to inform her that the next day she would be meeting a guy; a Doctor –a thoracic surgeon to be exact (what is a thoracic surgeon anyways she thought). And had asked her to go to a saloon and prep herself up before landing up at home. Hah as if she was a five year old to be decked up in frilly frocks to be exhibited up in front of friends. But to saloon she did go; after all how could she ignore the dictates of the high command.

No they were not meeting at home but in the confines of a hotel lobby, her father explained; ‘but Appa can we afford the coffee there’ and met with a sharp stare which scalded her more than a hot coffee.

So off they went , her mother in a Kanjeevaram and she in chiffon( which showed off her curves beautifully). And waited . The ‘marriage material came in a casual outfit (striped tee and jeans), his father ina ‘mundu’ and mother in a Kanjeevaram and Aalekha was optimistic (Aah a mix and match family like ours she thought.)

Over coffee-which the guy Dr. Vishnu bought, family history was exchanged, yes his elder brother too was a doctor-a pediatrician and yes he had married a Gujarati etc etc ( and Aalekha was ecstatic (Mix and match indeed) and her cheeks glowed. After sometime HE asked her out, and they went to the beach and spoke. He told what was his job(a thoracic surgeon was…..) and how he wanted a broad minded girl yet a traditionalist because you see he would be staying with his parents. He wanted to take care of them. He didn’t mind if she continued on her work but yes she will have to adjust with his parents (and now Aalekha could hear firecrackers bursting in her minds ear and she glowed some more).

She in turn told him about her failed attempts to find a guy and that she didn’t mind staying with his parents. But her parents didn’t have any sons so now and the she would like to visit them and look after their welfare.

Oh that was ok with him and he would surely try to be a son to them. Aalekha was stunned ‘try to be a son? Wow.

So she returned to her home and he to his and broke off the good news to their respective parents.

Next morning, Mrs Shasttry called and said that she wanted to meet Aalekha. And Aalekha started sweating; she remembered all the stories of dominating ma-in-laws. No she didn’t want to come to their place as she didn’t want to let the neighbor’s gossip nor did she want Aalekha to come to their place. Her daughter in law will come into the house only afer a proper griha pravesh. So she would be meeting her in a park and no, she was not supposed to tell Vishnu about this meet.

Aalekha was subdued. She didn’t know what to expect.

They sat on a bench and the ‘lady’ began to talk. ‘ I know Vishnu wants to stay with us after marriage but you being a modern career girl I wanted to know your opinion. I don’t want you to confirm now and then later have an argument everynow and then and make life hell for everyone. I have seen it happening in many families and don’t want that to happen in ours. Plus we are a devout family all festivals, vratas are observed. So if you have any objections tell me now and I will convince him to shift to another apartment.’ That was it pat, on the mark.

Aalekha was relieved actually. She had half expected the ‘Lady' to reject her but this was another problem altogether. As she was honest and straightforward, she too decided to be likewise.

No she didn’t mind staying with them as long as she had some space. She believed in living life together and yet would like to keep her friends, visit her parents and would have a career. And yes like them she too was very devout.

The lady smiled, not only her son but she too had met her match.

Break Free

It’s a shrinking world
With super egos
And zero tolerance
No time for self
Much less for others.

Take time to breathe
To touch someones heart
To feel someone’s pain
To laugh at life’s misfortunes
To talk; to pray.

Break free,
from bondages
Open your heart
Embrace new thoughts
Empty the junk inside.

Do, do it today
Don’t let it rest for tomorrow
Lest it be too late.


BREAK FREE